Saturday, March 19, 2011

Young, Naive, and Stupid

Its times like these when you realize the heart-aching fact: time will never go backwards. I will never get any younger anymore but slowly countdown to my own demise (or pleasant death). Sad but true. They do say that wisdom comes with age. I guess its one of the perks of aging but I think I rather have my carefree, youthful days. When I look back to when I was a teenager, I was pretty young, naive, and stupid. Maybe its just me or maybe we all go through that "middle-high school" phase where we feel like either 1) we rule the world, 2) the world revolves around us, or the obnoxious 3) the world revolves around us because we rule the world. I look at high schoolers these days and I can sum them up in one world: immature. They are wet behind the ears when it comes to dating, schools, internships, life in general. They are in the phase where one gossip rules all or one failed exam means the world has ended. But thats also what I find so interesting about them. They're so naive about what they'll be like in the next 10 years, after undergrad, maybe some dozen internships, grad school maybe. Then again the life after undergrad is slowly creeping up on me as well.

I pray that I can keep faithful in the fact that God has a plan for me (cliche? yes). Slowly but surely my fellow 2011 classmates are getting their offers for jobs and grad schools. Me? I'm kind of stuck leaving it God's hands. If you read my last post about "let go, let God", you know my stance on leaving it completely to God. Its also a post of accountability so that me, myself will never fall into that category of people. Its March already and today I just turned one year older, still without a plan for life after undergrad. I refuse to just stay at home and not do anything. I'm not gonna get any younger and I want to hit the ground running. I just haven't found my ground to run in yet. Is God testing my faith? Yes. I try to be faithful but creeping from the dark side of my heart are the doubts that are slowly but surely eclipsing my faith. If wisdom comes with age, I hope faith does too. Older people probably see me as young, naive, and stupid as well. I mean I've only lived maybe a quarter of my life and I'm here pondering if the world will end if I don't snag a job by end of May. I'm proud to say that I am wet behind the ears once again after I graduate. I'm in that phase of my life where I feel like the world could be in my grasp again. I just realized how naive I am thinking the world can be mine. But I'm not that stupid to crumble down and cry when my world falls over.

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Bible Progress - Ruth 4

2 comments:

Elizabeth Lee said...

God definitely sees your enormous trust and reliance on Him. no doubt that He won't take care of someone who comes to His feet with empty hands and an open heart.

Elizabeth Lee said...

umm...i meant "no doubt that He WILL take care" haha...oops.. :)