Monday, July 18, 2011

Why Can't I Be In Their Shoes Again?

The real world. Its what most college kids look forward to (or dread). For me, its indifferent. I definitely miss the thought of going back to school in August, meeting up with friends again, going back to studies for another year. I definitely, undoubtedly miss that feeling. It sucks right now because I have nothing to look forward to for a while. Even though we complain about the school work and stress that comes with being a college student but deep down I think we really enjoy our time in college.

So far this isn't the most glamourous "real world experience" that many of us looked forward to. I don't have my dream job nor my home church. Its been a couple months of repetitive, need something to do in my life type summer. After a couple of months of bumming around, spamming job sites, and a little bit of Lodi, I realized how much I actually miss cuse and KCS. I know I say this a lot but for me its almost a disease thats affecting me negatively. Lodi week was the best week thus far of summer. I was able to relive the life of cuse for a little bit. I realized how much of a negative impact not serving in a church would have in my life. I thought, "I guess its time to take a break from serving" but no, its more like "my life force is slowly being drained, slowly, but surely". After 4 years I thought it'll be nice to take a step back, take a backseat, and rest up. Resting was never so stressful. I now know that I am the type of person that has to be constantly serving at a church no matter what. Its my life, my all, and if I don't, I slowly wither away. I had the chance to volunteer at a couple of vbs for a few days and watching the staff members and praise team working made me envy them so much. I never felt such envy in my life before. "Why can't I be in their shoes again"?

I'm hopeful that my time will come again where I can serve but I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting impatient. My true happiness comes from serving in a church setting and most of all, praise team. Over the summer I constantly catch myself feeling pretty dang jealous of other praise teams because I want to be with them again. 10 years of my life just doesn't settle for backseat. My dream life would be to forever serve in a praise team setting whether it be playing the bass, setting up praise equipment, working the mixer, or whatever else is needed. I'll probably never be content with a secular job, even if its in film. I just feel so inadequate right now sitting here. As a recent college graduate its my time to shine and get my life on the way. I know what I want to do and its nothing the world can offer me. Why can't I find "Need worship team member, immediate hire" on job sites? Well, I'll take this time to practice some more patience. Greater things have yet to come in my life.

"Only in Christ is there a perfect life and a perfect future". -One of the things I learned from Lodi


Bible Progress - Psalms 115

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