Monday, October 19, 2009

Dear Kpop...


Dear Korean Music Industry,

Korean music, kpop, hallryu, whatever you wanna call it. Amazing isnt it. Such talented entertainers just taking the world by storm. Amazing!! I feel so proud to be korean at the moment. Seriously! I mean who wouldn't be? I just want to take this time on this blog to note the numerous accomplishments that our O so super talented Korean "musicians" have brought to the table!! Simply amazing stuff!!

1) You successfully marketed under age girls who haven't even hit puberty with sex appeal. We're talking 1990s, 91s, 92s...94s...
Sm Entertainment Presents f(x)
They're average age is...16.6yrs old. Thats nice, its only 2 years under legal.

2) You successfully mastered the art of repetition in your songs, to the point of killing it. Sorry sorry for having sucha sucha sucha sucha bad bad bad bad view against your mu-mu-mu-mu-muzik again and again and again. Gee gee geez..........te te te tell me about it...i dont care-e-e-e-e-e-e anymore lol. But this song definitely killed it, figures, they are from Rain's entertainment company.
MBLAQ - O Yea
O yea!! I forgot to tell you that, o yea!! you said O yea like...o yea...what was it...o yea!!! like o yea!!...yea, plz just chill out...o yea?

3) You successfully made whiny girls famous, aka 4minute. Yep, its pretty much a "hot issue" if you're in high school and sound like a 5 yr old who got a candy taken away from her. You call that singing? I sang better than that in my mother's womb.
4minute - Hot Issue

4) You "successfully" penetrated the American market.
Boa - Eat You Up
Se7en - Them Girlz
Wondergirls - Nobody (in english...on an American TV show)....
Hmmmm, at leat you meat the Engrish cloud and sing sung in Engrish on Emeri khan tele bi tion

4.5) At least someone made their "debut" into Hollywood.
Rain in Speed Racer
Congrats Rain, you said a total of 51 words in the whole failure of a movie...but then again I understood like 20 outta 51 english words you said and 19 of those 20 were "and, like".

5) You successfully plagiarized your whole album.
Gdragon's plagiarism rep
Not gonna Lie, it sure is Heartbreaking to be accused of plagiarism on every single hit song you produce. Maybe you just need to Breathe in some fresh ideas.
Btw, Korea does NOT need a Lady GaGa figure. No no no.

6) You successfully captivated 75% of the male population in Korea with a single "leg dance".
SNSD - Genie (live on top of the world, literally)
My bad, "leg dance" times 9 was what I meant. I guess you just had to show your plastic barbie legs to the whole Korean nation that you performed on top of a skyscraper.

7) You successfully just kicked out a poor guy from a group in the peak of their fame.
2pm former leader Jaebum gets kicked out of Korea
Congrats guys!! You just completely screwed over this poor dude's dreams, future, and aspirations just because of your pride and thick headed skulls full of shallowness.

8) You successfully bombarded the Korean market with more "talented" young groups.
MBLAQ
SHU-I
B2ST
JQT
Secret
HAM
DNT
Kudos to whoever came up with the names, clever ;)

9) You successfully redefined the term "comeback" which refers to a band's return to the music scene after a long hiatus.
SHINee - Ring Ding Dong "comeback stage"
(just on a side note, I absolutely HATE SHINee and this song proves my point even further...they suck. Period.) Sorry, but a 3 month break is not considered a hiatus. Its songs like this that makes me feel embarrassed to be Korean.

Im sorry but, THIS is a REAL comeback! Pure musical genius...
SeoTaiJI - Moai <---------props!!

10) You successfully mastered the art of lip syncing...and now "play syncing"?
FT Island - I Hope
Apparently there is a belief that FT Island doesnt actually play the instruments but just "play sync" aka poses who play the instruments. XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD. I still give them some props for breaking away from the norm of electronica and actually "attempting" to make some "real" music.

11) You successfully brainwashed the korean student population completely into becoming mindless fans that know only one thing, their "idol groups". Whoever has beef with a certain group beware, the fans will go to any limits to do some crazy things.
DBSK, Super Junior, SS501 fans boycott SNSD
Crazy @$$ motha...................u get the point xP

12) You successfully made yourselves into a comformist society.
Lets all just jump on the autotune bandwagon!!!!!
Epik High sends you "mainstream kpoppers" a nice little song dedicated to you :)
Epik High - Wannabe (new fav song at the moment)

Congratulations Korea!! You just won the Most Trashiest Music Industry in the World Award 2009!!! Just keep producing those plastic barbie dolls and robotic voiceovers and you'll succeed!!! But for those 1% of the Korean Music Industry that actually take time and effort to make some real music, my personal props to you. For the rest of you, Jay-Z said it best, "I know we facin a recession, but the music yall making gonna make it the great depression".

Sincerely,
(insert you're name here if this blog entry applied to you)

3 comments:

The Worst Sinner said...

Good entry. All the more reason to be proud of it.

crazyforjuice said...

propz. i loved the entry. even though i practically like all of the artists that you mentioned even if they are fake :D

christal said...

I agreee with your take Kpop - but it's most likely because the way the industry is built and fans respond. Although I could debate forever on whether or not GDragon plagiarized --- music within Kpop still needs some genuine songs. And more solo singers! Stop with the bands!! ...Although I'd like to say that SNSD is in that list of generic, talentless bands...

but this one guy in Shinee can really sing! Like the one guy in ...Super Junior