774,746

Today marks the day I've officially read the bible to completion. Yes, I've read every one of those 774,746 words (I counted, not really). Its such a bittersweet feeling right now especially remembering back to Dec. 31st, 2010 when I decided to make this commitment for the year. It was one of my 2011 resolutions and I'm ecstatic that I've actually seen it through. Honestly I can't remember what my other resolutions were but I'm glad that this one pulled through the crowd. It's been an awesome journey and I can't say the timing could've been any better. Even though I read the bible in a linear fashion, certain chapters, certain verses, certain stories were on target for the spiritual guidance or healing that I needed, especially true during my desert days from May through November.

God is good, all the time.

When I finished chaptered 22 of Revelations a few minutes ago, I felt like I conquered the world. I can vividly recall the feeling of fear and intimidation at the sheer length of the bible when I first read through Genesis 1-3 on January 1st, 2011 thinking this is impossible. Slow and steady won this race. He's been good to me and allowed my conscience to remind me to daily read read and more read. Although there are a couple of days where I missed, He granted me wisdom to catch up on the next day. All in all, I'm glad. 2012 is looming just beyond the near horizon and I'm ready to start again. Next year and the subsequent years, I'll read daily no matter what. No matter how busy or crazy things get I'll try my hardest.

My challenge now is to read the bible 49 more times in the next 49 years so by the time I'm 73, I'll have read the bible 50 times through. Here's my commitment now and the true test of my personal faith to begin in 2012. Granted I'll probably not update this blog when I'm 73 but who knows. So if you guys want to mark your calendars, December 28, 2061, I shall "try" to remember to update this blog with an entry celebrating my 50th Bible Completion. Words are cheap, but I'll really try to remember.

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Bible Progress - Back to Genesis 1 on 1/1/12 :)
Bible Completion - 1

Philippians 4:13

I think I'm close to celebrating my 150th application soon and out of the 150 tries, I think I got maybe 25-30 interviews. Ever since I've been applying to jobs it feels like college apps all over again except 150x more difficult. At least college apps gave you a direct "yes or no" response whereas jobs just leave you hanging for a while. I specifically remember 3 interviews in particular very well. Why? Because I was interviewed in Korean.

One such interview was at MBC. Now the person who called me spoke english perfectly well without any hint of an accent. I knew this person had to be either a naturalized citizen or a Korean American by birth. This skyrocketed my hopes. This is MBC we're talking about, one of the Big 3 Korean broadcasting studios alongside KBS and SBS. Ironically I got the call during one of my other interviews at an accounting office. In the end, I was excited, nervous, and eager to go in for the interview. This was THE interview I've been waiting for. Not just another job where I want to go because I need a job, but something I actually can see myself doing 50 years down the road, somewhere I can learn more about the broadcasting and studio world. The office was located in DC so I left an hour prior to my scheduled time and I literally got there exactly on the dot at 11:30 (hate traffic..) I walked in proudly and ready to knock'em dead, then it just went down hill. There were 3 interviewers, all of them were probably my dads age, and they started the interview in Korean. Now my Korean is not bad at all. I can read, write, and speak proficiently enough, but its definitely not native level. The usual questions such as tell me about yourself, what are you looking for, personality, I knocked down easily. They even asked me to read an article from a Korean newspaper and summarize it for them, twice. I guess they wanted to see and hear my Korean. I felt like I semi-butchered up the Korean language and I could tell at least one of the interviewers were not impressed. Then they took it up a notch, they started talking politics.

I didn't know that I was applying for MBC News in America. They started to ask me stuff I vaguely remember from US History and Government classes. I for one do not like talking about politics but given the need I will. I think I can hold a decent political conversation. But talking politics in Korean is...for lack of better term, gg. I literally got GG'ed. They started asking my opinion on the US/Korea Free Trade Agreement, the relationship between President Obama and Lee, the on going economical crisis and how it has a collateral affect on Korea. If I heard myself answer these questions, I think I too would've rolled my eyes and let out short sighs. By this point I could tell I was losing them. From what I can tell two of the interviewers were the ones that handled the stories and one of them was a videographer, the one who does things that I can related to. I felt a glimmer of hope though when the videographer started to ask me non-political questions. He also had a very nice demeanor. I didn't feel nervous at all when I answered any of his questions. The other two, one was a lot more open about his dissatisfaction and completely stopped asking questions. The longest hour of my life came to a close and they sort of just shooed me away. To end things on a good note I went around thanking them and shaking their hands. It was a good gesture of admitting defeat and believe me, I was literally defeated after that.

Never felt so stupid in my life. Oddly enough, a couple of days later they gave me a call back for a second interview. In my mind, "wthail??". I immediately remembered the living hell I went through in that interview and instinctively declined. I had officially become stupid. I spent the next couple of days in full regret that I let that smidgen of pride take over and declined maybe a God-given opportunity. It was miserable. I prayed about it hoping to find some resolution to that issue and forgiveness if it really was a God-given opportunity and I pridefully declined it because it didn't suit my needs.

No use crying over the past, whats done is done. I've gotten over it and I guess God told me to move on to new and better places. I'm currently waiting on my second interview with Customink.com as well as another design company. Customink seemed to like me as they've stated they want to bring me in for a second interview soon and the other company I just got referred to from chubbers who got the position, congrats to her! I learned my lesson from the MBC experience. No matter how odd, difficult, and unfitting the position maybe, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Looking forward to the upcoming interviews and maybe my jobless days in the desert will come to an end. Just maybe.

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Bible Progress - Galatians 5

Black Friday and a Curiosity

I'm guilty for stealing the title idea from another amazing writer. Like many others, I too went black friday shopping. None of the midnight madness though, I'm more of a scavenger. I like to scrap through the leftovers in the aftermath of the craziness. I'm proud to say I've finally gotten myself a decent coat. So with black friday and savings and all, I got myself a $250 coat for $5. I paid with a hamilton and it felt great.

Thanksgiving is also over and I hope everyone had a great time with their family and friends had thought of numerous things to be thankful for. What is interesting though is that now its officially Christmas season and you can see the numerous lights and wreaths (reefs as I used to spell it in elementary school) around town with the slogan "happy holidays" everywhere. Just curious, what happened to "merry christmas"? Is it officially deemed "offensive" to some people so they use "happy holidays" now? Hence I shake my head.

If your significant other can get their own day, if MLK, Columbus, and the President can get their own days, if the American flag can get its own day, if a frikin leprechaun, a pumpkin, and a turkey can get their own days, why can't we just celebrate the One who deserves so much more than just two days? Why must He be overshadowed completely by the easter bunny and santa?

...and yet the "happy holidays" people still sing, "glory to the new born king" and "we wish you a merry christmas". In my honest opinion, thats just sort of hypocritical, just a little. I'm not being cynical, I'm just legitimately curious.

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Bible Progress - 2 Corinthians 11

Laus Deo

I did my daily bible reading today and I went from Mark 10-13. Within these passages I found one that particularly stuck out to me.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours" -Mark 11:24

Afterwards I decided to try it. One of the main things I prayed for was to get job application replies this week. I asked for faith to trust that it'll be done but also the wisdom and humility to know that it is God that makes all things possible. "...In Jesus name, Amen", then I go grab a slim jim, came back, opened my email, and almost supernaturally there it was, an interview request with the studio I applied to sent exactly 5 minutes ago. I did a double, triple, quadruple take , refreshed my gmail over and over, and in the end found myself to be awestruck. 

At this point I don't care if I get the position or not, all I can say is that my God is a Living God. 

7,000,000,000

Recently I've been thinking about the fact that there will soon be (or already is) 7 billion people inhabiting this planet. Thats a lot. I feel like our landmass can only support so many. When I see pictures of the crowded streets of China and India, I fear for the future. What's gonna happen when we literally over populate the Earth?

If you live in the DCMDVA metro area you know of of the 3 numbers that all commuters and interstate travelers dread, 495. This 4 lane (at times 5) is called the capital beltway because it circles our nation's capital. But at the same time, this beltway is probably the only road that connects MD and VA together. This is never good for traffic. There are always the dead zone hours we all try to avoid because of the insane traffic. I don't know what kind of city planner decided that it was ok to connect two, rapidly developing areas (Tysons Corner, VA, Rockville, MD) with one highway. 

I actually do fear for the future. If traffic is this bad already, what'll happen when our generation start our own families and have kids? The amount of people multiply at an exponential pace. Lets be honest, who these days wants just one kid? People these days are busy as ever popping child after child out. I know of families with 4 or more and it scares me. Soon those kids will be driving, soon they will be applying for jobs, not looking too good. All the talk about the economy supposedly getting better by 2017, I doubt it. Its only gonna get worse. If they can't handle the population now, how are they ever gonna handle double? I fear there will always be a shortage of jobs and open positions for young people to go into their dream field. There can only be so many open positions. Does this mean only a limited few will live out their dream? The 1%? Hard work and dedication will get you far but how much more do you need because everyone else is doing the same? The human body is only capable of so much. 

7 billion different personalities. 7 billion different opinions. 7 billion people. Thats a huge number. I see construction projects and notice how much resources go into building a bridge, a road, a house, or even a large skyscraper. I see millions and millions of cars pumping gas at the same time. I see billions of people around the world drinking water and millions more flushing toilets while taking showers. The grand scale of how much we use is mind blowing. How will the Earth respond to such an enormous demand? I'm not a fan of all those companies that hop on the sustainability bandwagon because we all know its just another way to be more profitable. But there are always good people in the world. Heck, with 7 billion people, I'd hope that at least one person has the balls to come up with something crazy that'll actually leave our planet in a sustainable state. 

The world's single greatest resource is the 7 billion human minds that are at work. Some are geniuses, some are less than average, some are corrupt, some are passionate, some are generous, some are greedy, its all different. If all 7 billion people had the unified characteristic of generosity, how great would the world be. Never going to happen. All I know is that I'll do my job of raising the next generation properly. None of these roudy, obnoxious, spoiled kids that are growing up these days. I have absolute zero tolerance for kids who have no respect whatsoever. I pray that my future offspring will be faithful, respectful, and smart amidst their obnoxious peers. But for the time being, I will try to play my part as one of the 7 billion that live to make even just one other person's day brighter. 

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Bible Progress - Mark 14

The Value of My Life

If someone asked you the question, "are you happy with your life?", how would you answer? Quite honestly, I would have to say I'm so-so. Currently, the deadly zone we call the grey area, thats where my life found its home. Its weird because I love all the experiences I had getting up to this chapter of my life yet the past 5 months have been pretty disheartening.

One of the main things that have been bothering me, ever since I graduated, will be quite ironic to some. Generally you'd hear parents complaining about how much money you'd spend on a monthly basis but for me, its the exact opposite. My parents complain to me that I don't spend enough money. Ironic, but heavily disheartening. Their point of view is that I'm a recent graduate, have good friends surrounding me, have the rest of my "exciting" life ahead of me, so I should be having fun and making the most of my experiences. Well most everything involves the bread. The "real world" hit me quite hard as soon as I stepped out of my little college bubble. Quite frankly, at the moment the real world is sucking the life out of me. I'm the type of guy that thinks hard before I spend money. A little too much sometimes. I've had other (God given) venues of cash over the summer that didn't come from any job (I'm very grateful), but I've been scared to use freely. I'm the type of person that is intimidated by 3-figure prices. It pains me, physically pains me to sign off on anything that is beyond 3-figures (hence I don't want a 4S, yet). My limit at restaurants is generally around the magic $18.95 mark for entrees, I dare not go higher. Luckily I am able to maintain my own gas and food expenses through God's generosity but thats it. I don't want to use my joint account credit card because I know theres still money left to be paid off. It pains me deeply every time I have to swipe that one. The bottom line is, I got college debt to pay off that'll be a dollar-bill-sucking-parasite-at-my-side for the next 10 years or so. This is probably the main (shallow) reason I want a decently paying job. Others would pursue their dream job in any fashion but I'd rather pay off my debt as soon as possible then get eaten alive by interest rates. At the moment I could care less if I go into anything creative or not, I just want financial stability of some sort. I want my parents to stop saying "you should spend more money". That phrase is literally a stab to my heart with a cold, adamantium knife. The sad part of it all is that I still don't know what I want to do with my life. Actually I do know what I want to do with the rest of my life but I doubt I can make a living off praise team for the next 70 years or so.

Its been a rough summer but He's gotten me through it. I've thought a lot about the value of my life. I realized that I really didn't learn much in college. Most everything I learned about videos, audio, and editing was self taught. My professors weren't always the most helpful and some have even forced me to change my major. Was the $200k really worth it? Here I am, 5 months after graduation, broad range of mediocre skills, everything-I-can-do-someone-else-can-do-better resume, and currently 22 years of age and afraid to spend over $90 on anything. Its no wonder I don't have a job. Yes I am a recent graduate who is still living with my parents and gets "allowance". Yes I have a broad range of skills that are mediocre at best. Yes I currently possess a resume that is shadowed by fellow graduates. Yes I am 22 and can't spend $90 without a slight hint of guilt slash worry...and yes I'm still jobless. Friends all around me are jump starting their careers and I'm sitting here typing this. I'm not gonna lie, at one point I've even classified myself as a failure because all I did was waste $200k and 4 years learning pretty much nothing new. I put my parents in debt for the next 10-15 years. Yes I am a failure. This is the value of my life, worth less than minimum wage. Actually, my value is in debt.

But the crazy thought of it all is that He cares for me no matter how worthless I think I am. Me, who is probably categorized under the "recent graduate rejects". I cannot tell you how glad I am that I decided to read the entire bible by the end of the year because every single time my pessimistic side takes over, it revitalizes me, gives me life again, brings back my optimism. I think I found out why people say "find rest in Him". Time and time again our God is faithful and a trustworthy savior. The past 5 months of hardships have made Blessed Be Your Name my favorite praise song. Takes the words right out of my heart. I am grateful for the fact that whenever I could see the bottom of my account, He has always provided. I am grateful for the day He will pull me out of this period of tribulation...and yes, I am grateful for that day when He'll open the floodgates of heaven to pay off my debt. I see the world in a new light, His light. Its remarkably more beautiful. You find the smallest, hidden-in-plain-sight blessings and it amazes you.  How it all comes together is way beyond me.

Whenever the world tells me I'm worthless, useless, no good for anything, I tell them the cross has placed in me my worth. Something so grand that the world cannot fathom, that is the true value of my life.

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Bible Progress - Matt 13

You Got a Friend In Me

I've always wondered what the world would be like if greed and pride never existed. Imagine all the things that would be better. They do say that greed is an innate human characteristic and we are all born with it to some extent. I believe that. Pride is something that most males (and females to a lesser extent) base their lives around, so I believe that as well. You can't get by in this world without being a little greedy and prideful. But what if, just what if, the world never had any of that? Imagine that.

Most of the stuff that goes on in todays world, the problems, can mostly be related back to greed and pride. Someone got too greedy and bit more than he could chew or some company wants a complete monopoly so they start to buy out the competition. Greed, its in the deepest depths of our hearts in all of us. Even as kids, you always wanted to be the one with the most everything; most marbles, most candy, most friends, most toys, etc. I think I'm convinced that the world today is what it is because of people's greed over the past 6,000 years or so. Imagine all the wars that happened because of territory and resources, the innocent lives that were consumed by greedy men, the higher ups that always benefit from the underlings, it goes on. I just wonder since when did our world become so driven with pride and greed. You hurt my pride, so heres all out war. You stepped into my territory, so heres all out war.

The sad part of it all is that these are grown men and women that cause it all. As kids we're taught by our parents and teachers to always share, be generous, solve arguments peacefully and mutually, yet our "grown ups" who're supposed to act like "adults" divert back to childish play. In this way, life will always be a circle. Kids will learn to be "model citizens" only to be corrupted later on by the "real world". History always repeats itself whether it be in grand scale or in our daily lives. We never seem to actually learn from our mistakes. Somehow, someway, that smidgin of greed and pride always drive us back to repeat history. I honestly don't think that the world has "learned from their mistakes". I'm no history expert, I'm just your less than average Joe, but even my naive self can see the repetitive cycle of the same old problems over and over. I do wish the world could be a better place but as it is written, the world will only get worse. People will become more and more greedy, more prideful, and more corrupt.

I don't care what they say about "change" and "will make the world a better, greener, place", I'm not going to believe you until I see it with my own eyes. Its ironic that I need confirmation because faith is all about belief without seeing. I don't put my faith in people, we're all flawed. This is not to say I completely distrust mankind. I will always put my faith in people I know I can rely on, people who get the job done, people who talk while walking. I know that everyone, including myself, will fall into pride and greed's clutches sooner or later. Even if I fall into the clutches of pride and greed, I know I've always got a faithful Friend to pull me out.

Amongst the evils of this world, I pray that I will not be shaken, my vision stay true, and my faith stay solid as a rock. 
And God said, "You got a friend in me".


Psalm 23:4-6


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Bible Progress - Ezekiel 38
I'm starting to read 4 chapters a day now cause I misread the calendar and didn't see that sundays you're supposed to read 5 chapters, not 3. Got a little catch up to do if I want to finish by the end of the year.

Three Long But Short Years

My 3 year anniversary just passed this past weekend and it doesn't seem that crazy until I think about it in perspective. My whole college career, the primetime of my life, the best and worst experiences have all been shared with one person. Freshman year was just all giddy and then for some odd (and still unresolved reason), I decided it was time to start dating again. Just what the heck, right out of the blue. I guess you can say I finally gotten over my past two (horribly ended) relationships but I don't think that was all.

I specifically remember when and where and what I was doing that moment I asked her out. I was sitting in Human Sex class at 8:30pm and I think we were learning about the different types of love from the physical to the emotional to the unconditional God's love, agape. Something triggered the spark and basically told me, "Hey, you like this girl. Accept it". I know I was fighting an internal struggle because I guess I had a couple of people that I liked at the time but one was always overshadowed until she just decided to, BAM, make her self known. The funny thing is when I really wanted a girlfriend for the past like, 4 years in high school, I never got one. Never got even close to getting one. It was the beginning of sophomore year in Cuse that I finally let go of that "desire" to have a girlfriend and it just so happened I ended up getting one. Lesson learned God.

I'll be quite frank, I don't think I was attracted to her consciously at first but deep down, I was. I mean who would wanna date a physically abusive girlfriend? Wasn't happening until God proved me wrong. Out of the other (unnamed females) that I sort of had a crush on, in the end I ended up with the one I never imagined to. Sure it was crazy at first because everyone teased us about it. We were that awkward, "how'd you two happen", couple. Crazy at first, but life-changing later. After the initial honeymoon phase, when we were not the new couple in town, things began to get real. I never knew how long this would last nor do I know how long it will, but I know for sure I don't regret any minute of it.

For the past 3 years we've had our ups and downs like any healthy couple. We've had our handful of fights where I'd be yelling, she'd be yelling, I'd be ignorant, she'd be bawling, good times? But yeah, most of the time I was probably ignorant. I'll be honest, I'm terrible boyfriend material. I rarely compliment her, I rarely ever show any enthusiasm with her, I've got her enough gifts to count in one hand, I make fun of her all the time, I don't celebrate any of the couple-y holidays with her, and I call her chubs. Yet for some crazy reason she stayed and I guess I'm grateful, no, I am grateful. The past 3 years she showed me that not all girls are the same (as my previous 2 relationships). Maybe once in the 3 years I had to "be" there for her, even though I still made fun of her. Bottom line is shes been there more for me than vice versa. So I'm basically the needy one. The irony. She showed me that she is capable of not letting the little things bother her, nor to care for what the status quo is. I don't think I've ever met such a strong girl and I'd bet that she'd take down goliath, metaphorically and physically speaking. She's been able to develop a strong sense of composure even in the most stressful times. She's like the elephant in the room that's labeled "Blessing" yet I over look it almost everyday. She taught me how to actually care for someone and not just say it. Granted she's not perfect and she doesn't fill most of the criteria of my potential girlfriend list that I made back in 2003, but she fulfills. And I just spent the past 15 minutes writing this and it contains more compliments than I've given her in the past 3 years combined. Sad truth.

Out of all the girls in the world I got stuck with this chubber face.

In the end all I want to say is, thanks chubs.

Sincerely,
Horrible Boyfriend

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Bible Progress - Jeremiah 50

No Matter What, In Any Circumstance

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Through I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name
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Bible Progress - Jeremiah 17, movin' right along

The Aftermath of The Aftermath

August 20th, Merriweather Pavilion in Columbia, MD

Indescribably awesome. I remember when Hillsong came to MD 2 years ago, I didn't lose my voice then. This time around I did but its back to normal now. I can honestly say that this past weekend was the best I've had all summer long. Met some really great new people, caught up with old friends, and went to a Hillsong concert. I definitely needed it. Amidst all the same old same old, it was nice and refreshing to have a splash of color thrown at you.

Theres something amazing about praising God with hundreds and thousands of your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. In that moment it was like we were all one. I guess thats what heaven will be like, continuously praising God alongside thousands of others. People from all races, backgrounds, places, all praising together in one voice is an outer worldly experience. Pretty much reaffirmed how much I love praising. I wouldn't mind praising for eternity. Its definitely the rejuvenating factor I needed. I look forward to the day I'll be able to praise forever for eternity alongside my brothers and sisters.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

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Bible Progress - Isaiah 48

Why Can't I Be In Their Shoes Again? Pt.2

So if you've been reading my previous posts for about two months now, you know that I've been pretty much reminiscing all summer long. A few people know what my old xanga page is and I've read through it recently only to cringe and wonder, "damn...was I really that emo?". But I did pull out a quote that I made up that particularly caught my attention again:

Memories are like the seasons. Spring a time of growth, summer a time of enjoyment, autumn a time of gathering, and winter a time of remembrance. Memories will grow with more enjoyment as we work to gather these into remembrance.

Why did this quote stick out to me? Probably because I spent a good amount of time after dinner just sitting outside in my balcony enjoying the (now cooled) summer night breeze. They say that memories are triggered not by sight, but smell. Interesting little fact because I feel like thats exactly what happened 30 minutes ago in the balcony. I mostly recalled my multiple summer retreats that I went to in youth group. If you've been to a youth summer retreat I think you can picture this scene exactly. Something about the breeze and the atmosphere outside brought back the memory of those times after a major activity in the afternoon was done and everyone went back to shower, change, and get ready for dinner. We'd all come out with fresh clothes, wet hair, girls smelling like shampoo, guys smelling the same, and we'd eat dinner and get ready for night service. Plus it was usually around this time we'd leave for summer retreat. Our retreats were always 5 days and 4 nights so I'm pretty used to begin secluded and away from modern civilization. All 40-50 of us just secluded in the middle of nowhere having fun, making fun of each other, flirting, playing late night games, living and praising God together. Not gonna lie though, I felt pretty old sitting out there alone in the balcony reminiscing about the old days. I know people say that a lot but I literally felt damn old for some odd reason. Maybe because I've hit that stage where there are no more summer retreats to look forward to. Even if I do get a chance, I'd probably be a counselor/teacher type rather than a carefree, young son-of-a-gun. Nostalgia at its finest. That was probably a good 8 years ago starting from 8th grade.

Something about the days where all you had to worry about were the first day of high school, or the SATs, or that one cute girl in youth group, the innocence of it all, I miss dearly. After our youth pastor left for Korea, we all went our separate ways. We barely even kept in contact with each other. I want to relive those days because they were genuinely fun. Of course we had our share of complaining for the usual camp rules of no cell phones, curfew, minimal guy/girl physical contact, but of course breaking those rules were all part of the happy memories. I can say without a doubt that all my summer retreats in youth group, even though some really pushed our limits, were the best memories of my high school days. I'd relive it over again if given the opportunity. I've been blessed with wonderful experiences. Memories are really God-given gifts. I'm looking forward to the day where I can sit in front of my next-gen macbook pro couple years from now and remember this exact time. "Remember that time you reminisced about reminiscing? Good times huh?"

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Bible Progress - Isaiah 2, Song of Songs was a pretty, interesting to say the least book to read through

The Journey

Sometimes they say the journey is more rewarding than the destination. Some people may disagree and say the destination is the reward but to me, its the journey.

I love to drive. I can't put it another way, I just do. I've been a car enthusiast since middle school. I'm one of those car-geeks that can name the year, make, and model of 99% of the cars that goes by. You can call it a side hobby I have. I've always dreamed of having my own car and now that I do its like living that dream. I love driving and the sheer comfort, relaxation, and fun that comes along with it. I've had my car for about 5 years now and I must say, even though we had our ups and downs, its still my reliable little baby.

When I drive I have peace of mind, no matter how bothersome the traffic becomes. Granted somedays I just wanna get home and out of the jams on the beltway. Often times you have passengers in the car as well and it becomes a mini road trip. I love road trips. Period. I love it more than the destination. I look forward to the drive because of the conversation we have or the sights we see or maybe even the spontaneous pit stops we make. I have my days where I drive like I'm part of fast and furious, weaving in and out of traffic at high speeds but then there are those days where I'm a senior citizen, just cruisin' along. How this whole car relationship started I don't know but all I know is that behind the wheel is one of my favorite places to be. I loved the trip up to Syracuse for Lodi. Many bonds formed or got stronger and overall it was fun. I love making the trip down to chubs' house or our newest neighbor Mr. Wayne Chen's new apartment. Sometimes I even make spontaneous trips to nowhere just for the pleasure of driving. I guess some people might call me crazy and say how driving can be relaxing but I know for a fact that I'm not alone in this category. Like-minded others know the feeling I'm talking about when you just drive for the heck of it. I plan on driving cross country and back and day just to say I did. So help me gas prices and go down just a little bit more. But no amount of gas is gonna stop me from the roads.

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Bible Progress - Psalms 143, officially passed the half way mark of the bible at Psalms 119

Why Can't I Be In Their Shoes Again?

The real world. Its what most college kids look forward to (or dread). For me, its indifferent. I definitely miss the thought of going back to school in August, meeting up with friends again, going back to studies for another year. I definitely, undoubtedly miss that feeling. It sucks right now because I have nothing to look forward to for a while. Even though we complain about the school work and stress that comes with being a college student but deep down I think we really enjoy our time in college.

So far this isn't the most glamourous "real world experience" that many of us looked forward to. I don't have my dream job nor my home church. Its been a couple months of repetitive, need something to do in my life type summer. After a couple of months of bumming around, spamming job sites, and a little bit of Lodi, I realized how much I actually miss cuse and KCS. I know I say this a lot but for me its almost a disease thats affecting me negatively. Lodi week was the best week thus far of summer. I was able to relive the life of cuse for a little bit. I realized how much of a negative impact not serving in a church would have in my life. I thought, "I guess its time to take a break from serving" but no, its more like "my life force is slowly being drained, slowly, but surely". After 4 years I thought it'll be nice to take a step back, take a backseat, and rest up. Resting was never so stressful. I now know that I am the type of person that has to be constantly serving at a church no matter what. Its my life, my all, and if I don't, I slowly wither away. I had the chance to volunteer at a couple of vbs for a few days and watching the staff members and praise team working made me envy them so much. I never felt such envy in my life before. "Why can't I be in their shoes again"?

I'm hopeful that my time will come again where I can serve but I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting impatient. My true happiness comes from serving in a church setting and most of all, praise team. Over the summer I constantly catch myself feeling pretty dang jealous of other praise teams because I want to be with them again. 10 years of my life just doesn't settle for backseat. My dream life would be to forever serve in a praise team setting whether it be playing the bass, setting up praise equipment, working the mixer, or whatever else is needed. I'll probably never be content with a secular job, even if its in film. I just feel so inadequate right now sitting here. As a recent college graduate its my time to shine and get my life on the way. I know what I want to do and its nothing the world can offer me. Why can't I find "Need worship team member, immediate hire" on job sites? Well, I'll take this time to practice some more patience. Greater things have yet to come in my life.

"Only in Christ is there a perfect life and a perfect future". -One of the things I learned from Lodi

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Bible Progress - Psalms 115

Crossroads

The week that I've been looking forward to has already come to an end. This time I left Syracuse for good (for a while maybe) and it definitely was bittersweet. It was an odd feeling seeing KCS and then leaving it so quickly. Definitely felt like I had unfinished business there. All in all, another Vision Summer Camp has successfully come to a close. I know many were blessed. I am now sitting at the crossroads once again, back in the real world, decisions upon decisions. I think I'm actually pretty excited to work on the Lodi film. A little perk in life goes a long way. I just hope by this time next year I'll know where all this is taking me.

Go to church, Read the bible, Obey God's word, Witness to others, grow.

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Bible Progress - Psalms 60, had a delay in reading because of Lodi but gonna catch up tonight

We're Gonna Change the World Pt.2?

And so Lodi Missions Pt.2 is in 2 days and I'll be heading back up to cuse tomorrow. Its different this time around because I actually planned on going and not pull a last-minute-show-up-outta-nowhere stunt like last year. Sometimes the best decisions you make are ones you make spontaneously. Definitely true in regards to my choice to do Lodi last year.

I'm expecting great things. I've been praying for the past month for a story, a scenario where I can depict the heart and essence of the camp. Being an (amateur) filmmaker and all, the story is everything. Just me and my faithful little Handycam that has pulled off some crazy projects (sisters nights). I still don't know how I'm going to do it but I know like last year, its just gonna hit me. I'll be sleeping over at chubling's place and leaving in the morning with her siblings and friend. Guess its almost like a roadtrip, a road once frequently traveled.

On a side note, Final Cut Pro X just came out this week. It would be awesome if I could somehow get my hands on it but my pockets run shallow at the moment. Maybe just maybe something miraculous can it can just pop up on my computer. Back on track, its always around this time where I bring myself back out of the desert. So far its been pretty dry, spiritually, since I left cuse. Once a servant always a servant. It holds true as I've been itching to be active in church again. Wonderful opportunity granted so I'm gonna go enjoy the next week. Its only been 1 month since graduation but I already feel nostalgic packing to go back to cuse. I think this proves how much of an impact cuse has had on my life. As much as I bash on the University in my previous post, KCS made my day. I'm just glad to be able to continually serve even after graduation. I'm ready to be blessed and hopefully be one to those around me as well.

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Bible Progress - Psalm 39

#imissthe90s #generationY #thecircleoflife #technology

I admit, I recently got hooked on to #. I'll call it the twitter effect. Not too long ago I reactivated my twitter account and actually did some work on it. I made the account like 2 years ago when I had nothing better to do. I thought it was useless back then. Now I kind of regret. Like I said, I admit I'm hopping on the twitter effect bandwagon. Its crazy how fast news can travel around just by using a simple #. I'm following most of my interests from Nintendo to Bon Jovi to Cultofmac to Sportscars and twitter is definitely more useful and addicting than it was. I'm probably a late bloomer to get into (or get back into) twitter.

Basically most of my summer has been revolving around "The Big 3" of social networking: facebook, twitter, and tumblr? I go on facebook to check up on friends and see what crazy yet amazing things they're doing over summer, twitter to follow up with the latest current events, technology, games, and tumblr just because I have nothing better to do and I have to admit, some of the stuff you find on tumblr is pretty clever. I haven't even used AIM in like 7 years yet I still feel like I'm connected with people that I haven't talked to in a while. Its crazy how technology has improved human relationships. Improved, but degraded is much more appropriate.

#imissthe90s
You've probably read posts like this numerous times before but heres my view. I'm obviously biased in my opinion because 1) I grew up in the 90s (aka the best decade) and 2) I really don't like the next generation of kids that are growing up in the new millenium. While the 90s were all about playing superhero outside and actually physically playing with our friends, kids these days play online. I may have had 10 friends I used to play with all the time in elementary school but its rather minuscule compared to the 11 million friends that kids play with online these days. They don't know what it is like to actually "wait" for something, just one click does everything. Its actually pretty sickening to see elementary/middle schoolers with droids and iphones. What the hell do they do with it? I got my first cell phone sophomore year in high school, and it was a regular flip phone. Aside from all the confort and leisure (and idiocy) technology has brought upon "Generation Y", the one thing I can't understand at all is the lifestyle of these kids. Every time I walk into a mall theres always a groupie of youngins thinking that they own the place. Thank you Carousel for you're over-18-past-9pm-rule. The way kids treat each other, their parents, the words they use, the inappropriate connotations they know...sickening. The amount of time they spend online, the number of "friends" they have, the raging hormones that lost control...#smh.

We're all slowly but surely contributing to the circle of life. The 90s will hate the 2000s and they'll hate the 2010s, the 20s, the 50s...every new decade it recycles. If anything does change its how quickly we can talk about it online. I think I've learned to accept it.

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Bible Progress - Psalm 5

Yes, No, and Wait for it...

Oddly enough, I finally have a busy week. Its kind of sad that I haven't had one since like sisters night -.-;;

Anyways, I'll be busy this week with interviews pretty much all week long. Its strange how much I wanted replies from job applications while in school and I never got them. Now I want them to stop replying. I've had 3 interviews so far this summer and more to come. Sadly though, its always the positions you just apply for the heck of it that'll reply but the positions that you really want, never do.

So by end of this week I think I'll have 6 interviews under my belt. I've gotten offers from them but I had to deny. I couldn't see myself doing the job. Strangely enough all the interviews were for business positions. Not my strong point per say but never lose an opportunity to learn new things. I got the chance to "work" for a day 1-8pm last friday at a company called USIS to see whether or not I'd be qualified for the position. Honestly I didn't enjoy it at all. I definitely cannot see myself doing something business related for longterm. I think I'd rather work at a Starbucks for the moment.

Wayne came down to go apartment searching the other day and we were talking about it. I'm pretty much going to the interviews  for the interview's sake only. I want to rack up as much interview experience as possible, tackle all the hard questions, and be prepared when the real opportunity calls. Currently I stand unemployed but excited to find out where I will end up job wise, life wise. Right now I've taken the opportunity with National Geographic who is looking for a Production Assistant. Its crazy how "fitting" I feel the position is because its pretty much exactly what I want to do with my life. We'll see. I've learned not to get my hopes up too early and count my fishes before they hatch. I'm still praying but who knows. To be continued in later blog post!

God answers yes to prayers and gives you what you want, he answers no to give you something better, he says wait to give you the best.


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Bible Progress - Job 22 :)

Poison

So I've been browsing the web looking at every possible job site so I could find a nice little paying job but no luck in the past 2 hours. Everything I saw fell into one of 3 categories: 1) Business, IT, engineering, communications...sorry no experience, 2) Experience and skill set requirements too foreign, 3) No I not that desperate to work for minimum wage at McDs. Maybe I'm being too greedy. Just because I graduated from college doesn't entitle me to a start of $30k. I was hoping that having a bachelor's degree would change somethings but I guess there is little room for "aspiring artists". I check productionhub.com everyday (very very good jobsite for people in film and production) and most updates are in Cali. No surprise.

I sit here at 7:40pm feeling pretty defeated after a days attempt to find some jobs. I had to relocate myself to Barnes and Nobles at one point because my internet seems to have forgotten that its supposed to be "ultra high speed" as comcast puts it but my family probably just got sold into their twisted advertising. Not gonna lie but I do feel pretty inadequate right now. The days after I've come home have just been wasting by. Summers have always been nonproductive for me but it was ok because I would return to cuse in the fall and change all that. Now I'm at a road block in my life with no "cuse" to set me back on track again. I have so much that I want to do and so many places I want to work at and maybe start a career in but all of them are not hiring. God is pretty much teasing me because Discovery Communications is right next to me but in a non-hiring status (insert big sigh here). But they are hiring the business and IT people. Go back to school and get an MBA or IT degree? Its times like these I second guess myself if obtaining a Bachelor of Fine Arts was really worth it. I knew the field would be narrow but I was too naive to see how minuscule it really is. Now I'm actually regretting turning down some potential offers. But thats spilt milk. The rare times that jobs do show up, they're either unpaid or need extreme amounts of experience/skills. Time is winding down til my grace period ends on my loans. Starting next year I've got to start paying them back and I'm definitely not looking forward to half my paycheck (if I get a job) going to pay off my loans. 

At the same time I feel pretty blessed. Its ironic that being a stay-at-home-recent-college-graduate-status is fulfilling but it is in a way. I have all the time in the world, literally. I'm definitely not using this time wisely. I want to continue to produce some instrumentals of popular christian songs. I've been planning to do it for a while but I've been lacking motivating and inspiration lately. Its coming, slow but steadily. The big wave of motivation has not hit me yet. So dear readers, check my facebook page or my youtube channel (which I'm planning on making a new one for my future projects so stay tuned!) for new songs or videos. God gave me a talent and I definitely feel guilty just sitting on my ass. Might as well do something with it right? Just need that motivation then I'll probably be good to go. 

I think what I need to obtain at this point in my life is the wisdom to know that money doesn't make my life. Living in the real world has truly opened my eyes to how much money commands our daily lives. God promised he'd provide for me no matter what and yes he has. Granted I may never get my Nissan GT-R, ever, but that is the definition of greed and luxury in my life. I can feel myself getting more desperate to find a decent paying job out of my own greed. Its tough to suppress. Its poisonous like pride. Time to find an antidode for all these venomous intents before I'm consumed. I guess I'll use this post as self-accountability. Soon I'll find the motivation to make productive use of my time. Better now than later because poison becomes more potent the longer it inhabits. Ironically though the cure to poison is poison itself. Many venomous snakebites are cured by creating an antivenom that is made from the poison of the snake. The first step to solving a problem? Identify it. Its time to use the poison in my greedy heart to cure myself. 

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Bible Progress - Nehemiah 9

The Best I've Had

So its been about a week since I've officially graduated. It still hasn't hit me that I'm living in the real world. Maybe its because I've been home most of the time but it still feels like I'm going back to cuse in the fall. It feels weird coming back home to MD after cuse. It almost seems like a foreign place to me. Never the less its what I call home.

Thinking of all the times I had in cuse makes it hard to accept my new life. But this was the same feeling I had when I first stepped into cuse freshman year. That feeling turned out to be temporary as the next 4 years were the best I've had. I'm going to title this next chapter in my life as "foot in the door". This part of my life I expect to be in til im 30 or so. From now until I'm 30, I'll (hopefully) be experiencing a lot of big steps in my life: getting a job, deciding on a career, choosing a place to live, living on my own, getting married, and maybe having kids. Just a handful of huge life changing events. I'll start slow and decide on a career path. Then maybe I'll save up enough money to head out to the west coast unless God wants me elsewhere. Then I'll be living on my own for a while, off of my income, paying my own bills (other than my credit bill I pay now). Its a scary thought. Each time I'll probably reminisce about the week after my college graduation because it'll be the same experience, a new chapter.

Its like reading a book but a book ends relatively fast depending on how fast of a reader you are. I don't expect to "end" anytime soon. I've got my whole life ahead of me now and I'm just sitting on the first step remembering the best experience I've had so far which was college. If this trend continues I'm pretty sure that by the next time I open a new chapter of my life, I'll be expressing it as "better than the best I've had".

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Bible Progress - 2 Chronicles 34

Its Time to Fly

And this is how it is.
4 years of cuse now become great memories. Congrats all we did it!
Fin.

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Bible Progress - 2 Chronicles 18

The Harvest

It just has to come to an end. I cannot express in words my gratitude for the Grove and its members. Amazed. Humbled. Challenged.

Lord,
May you continue to bless this ministry. 
You have answered my prayers 5 years ago when I was worried for my college. 
You have answered my prayers 4 years ago when I was worried for my spirituality.
You continually challenged me and hardened my faith.
You rooted me into your word and helped me grow.
I pray you can do the same for the rest of the congregation. 
Each of them is an unique individual, gifted in their own ways.
I have learned so much from them and even look up to some of them. 
Even though they are young, their will is stronger than any battle-hardened general.
Their faith is continually seeking nourishment to grow and bloom into something more.
My best 4 years of my life has been with this ministry.
I pray that even though the lot of us are leaving, there will be the next generation of amazing leaders to spring up and take the initiative.
There is so much potential to do your works through the people here.
I pray that you take responsibility and bring out their full potentials.
Bless them 100-fold for their efforts to make such a memorable Senior Night.
Where would you have me go now?
Wherever you lead, I will follow.
May the seeds that our class sowed be reaped.
May the next generation sow their seeds as well.
These guys are good. Use them well. 
And I know you will do some crazy things through them.
And I know the harvest will be over-bountiful. 


Jesus name,
Amen


<3 Grove (so girly...)

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Bible progress - 1 Chronicles 16

Writing, Composing, and a Selfish Ambition

At this point in time, at this hour, at this minute (actually its been about 5 minutes but whatever), I finally finished my thesis paper. And yes, it does feel good to hold the 15 pages of semi-hardwork in my hands.

I just finished proofreading it and realized how much my writing style has changed. No matter what I write, I tend to have an informal tone, with everything. It can be something absolutely serious but I'd still condone  the actual serious part. Being a thesis paper one would assume it's all professionally written with many critics and reviews but its completely the opposite of that. My thesis paper sounds like a huge, elongated blog entry with a couple of "big words". Just FYI my thesis research was about music and emotion and how film scores (mostly Disney) evoke certain emotions. Are we trained at birth to react in certain ways when we hear specific musical cues? I'll save you 15 pages of trouble so the bottom line of my paper is, yes, music does have an impact on your emotions. Now it just feels weird that I dumbed down my whole research into one, non-scholarly sentence. If only the world was as simple as that. It always has to be yes or no...and why (that despicable word...)

Alongside my thesis research, all VPA majors have a "thesis project" they must finish in order to be degree-a-fied. Its personal choice whether you do two, semester long projects, or one, big year long project. You know me, I'd take the shorter version. So yes I chose to do two, semester long projects. This semester I am composing my own score for Fantasia 2000. Obviously not the whole film but two suites: The Pines of Rome and Firebird. Both are about 10 minutes in length and I realized what I got myself into in the beginning of the semester when I had musical block for quite a bit. Took me a while but inspiration came from the randomest (not a word but I don't care...I think I OD on this word) sources as usual. Long story short, I am 90% done with my scores and I am somewhat proud yet disappointed in my compositions. One, I'm proud of the fact that I can actually compose, what I think is 20 minutes of decently sounding music and two, I just don't like the digitalized sound that my piece embodies. I am not able to record a live symphonic orchestra to get the natural, epicness, nor do I have the means of purchasing (or pirating) software and equipment that I probably have to pay a arm and leg for. Something I'd probably struggle with forever.

Strangely enough, I actually had thoughts of pursuing creative writing (in a more sophisticated sense because no one would take my limited, 2 syllables max, vocabulary). Its something with the arts, all the arts, that entices me. Those who say writing and composing music is not an art form need to get themselves checked for a missing right hemisphere. Am I doomed to be a creative junkie for life? I don't mind. The only problem is that creativity can't pay for rent...yet.

Dear God, 

Grant me the wisdom to take away my selfish ambitions and refill it with the ambition for your kingdom.

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Bible Progress - 2 Kings Ch. 6 (back on track!)

Stressed.

I get stressed over the most randomest (not a word but who cares) things. I'm not stressed because of my thesis projects or final thesis papers and presentations, but I'm stressed over the fact that I am graduating. Why am I getting stressed over graduating? I ask myself all the time these days. I secretly know the answer but I constantly deny it. "I'm stressed because I don't want my best 4 years of my life to end. Its all drawing to a close so rapidly!".

As the months wind down on the greatest 4 years of ones life (supposedly), taking a look back at mine gives me both room for regret and satisfaction. Of course campus has changed a lot physically since I've first stepped foot onto cuse as a open-minded, ready to take on the world freshman. All I wish for now is a pleasant ending to a soon to be memorable chapter of my life. Pleasant, but challenging as well. After many life changing experiences, critical life lessons learned, and pots and pots of KCS special moo gook (everyone should know this lunch special if they've been to the Grove), theres less than a month left in the greatest era of my life. Its sad on my part that I countdown the days til graduation not because thats when my life will take off, but because thats when my fantasy life will end and the "real world" will begin. I have a hard enough time working 15 hours a week, twice a week. Cuse has taught me that I'm definitely not fit for a office job. I need my freedom to travel and go crazy exploring my passions.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching lately to find what God wants me to do in the future (still unknown). I have dreams of doing everything possible that encompasses my interests in film, audio, art, food, games, church, you name it. We all know thats "humanly" impossible because no one person can juggle that much at the same time. Or maybe we are completely capable yet everyone is too scared to try it because they probably know its "bound to fail". Should I be the world's first mega-entrepreneur that starts a business that does literally everything creative? Thats stress for another day. Currently I'm stressed because I only have a month left in cuse. Granted I hate cuse with a near burning passion its strange that I'm feeling so down about leaving this place. Shouldn't I be happy I'm finally out of this hole?

I guess its a good type of stress because its not the type that makes you want to break down in the middle of the night because you pulled an all nighter and bombed the exam. Its the type of stress that keeps me on my toes, refreshing my gmail every 5 minutes (literally) waiting for the one email that has your future attached to it. Its the type of stress that you know will one day turn into nostalgic feelings whenever and wherever I eat moo gook again.

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Bible Progress - 1 Kings 7 (I slacked a bit last week) -_-;;

Ctrl + Z and R

Recently I read something regarding the combination of real life with the computer. The question was what computer function would you use in real life? Many people answered Ctrl + Z (or Command + Z for us mac users). By now I assume everyone has used Ctrl + Z as much as they breathe. We live by the undo command. Undo saves us from that one fateful error we make or the accidental "delete" when we write our papers.

But imagine if Undo was actually a function in real life.

Imagine all the possibilities of a utopian society. Everything would be almost too perfect. If we make a mistake on a test and we realize after we get our scores back, we can hit undo. If we ask a guy/girl out and they reject you, we can hit undo to save us some awkwardness. The possibilities are limitless. The world would be way too perfect. However, perfect in one person's world does not make a perfect world. It was intriguing when I stumbled upon this fact because if one person's world is perfect, another one's won't. Reason being we're not all the same. We are not cookie cutter human beings that are mass produced with the same likes, dislikes, values, morals, and desires. This could turn into a whole discussion of what the world would be if it was 100% one sided. 

Wheres the fun in zero uniqueness?

For me I would definitely love the undo function in my life. I mean I've made some pretty stupid decisions and accidentally hit the wrong keys at the wrong point in my life. If I could undo all that and Ctrl + R (redo) I would have no regrets. But we can't take out the fact that its the regrets of stupid decisions we've made in the past that gives us the wisdom to not repeat history. We can't expect undo and redo to happen ever. Realistically we do not live in a perfect world. We just have to man up (woman up?) and face our regrets and learn from them. But the possibility of undo-ing that bombed exam or the fattening late night chocolate cake still tickle our inner perfectionists. We all want a perfect world but since that'll never happen, might as well take charge of our own world and make it perfect. No regrets, take the curve ball, get ready for the next pitch.

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Bible Progress - 2 Samuel 21

The Mysterious Beyond

Just as the mysterious beyond is a terrifying place full of mysteries, strangeness, and fears, girls are probably the epitome of mysterious. Us men just don't seem to understand this strange strange gender. You can never understand a girl and her feelings. She may be all nice and warm outwardly but internally she can be plotting to destroy the world. No joke. On the flipside, they can be the most obnoxious, stuck up person but inside, a tender, humble character. Why is that? Hence guys always misread girls. I don't know what it is but a girl has these manipulative charms that leave the male species scratching their head on what the heck is going on. We'll probably think you're flirting with us because you feel attracted to us and have a crush on us but in reality you just want the attention so you can toy with us. Ok thats a little extreme and I hope none of my readers are that type of female. But you get what I'm saying. Its so hard to interpret the subtle messages girls send. We, the male species, do not do subtle. We do straight up, in your face. If a girl hints that she wants a glass of water by bringing up everything possible and beating around the bush, we're gonna think everything but the fact that you want a glass of water. Rule of thumb, talking to guys, be straight forward.

Its definitely hard to deal with if the guy assumes that the girl has a crush on him. Many of us fell into this category of helpless romantics because of the crazy mixed signals girls send. For example, when a girl giggles whenever shes around you or you can tell that she is bashful after telling you a compliment, what does this mean?! All I know is that girls are pretty fascinating.

Girls are born with the following:
1) An innate ability to feel sympathy for anyone.
2) The ability to somehow talk about such a simple topic and bring irrelevant topics.
3) The ability to conceal their true intentions/feelings

Scary. I think I can speak on behalf of all men past and present when I say we've all been fooled by a girl's charm. Maybe its natural for them to look pretty and attractive but sometimes, we get pulled in by the subtlest of actions. Why can't girls confess their feelings first sometimes? Why must it always be up to the guy to muster up the courage and the balls to ask the world changing question? Its wonderful if we get the girl but its just plain awkward when she rejects you and you stay "just friends". Hence guys have a difficult time confessing their feelings. We assume that all your actions are ways of flirting. We assume that you're indirectly asking us to ask you out. Or maybe thats just how you are and we're completely misinterpreting your casual communication skills as flirting. This is not to say that girls are evil in any way. Hope no one got that vibe from this post. All I'm merely saying is that girls are mysterious. Period. No more no less. Us guys love to see girls and be around girls. Its like that missing part of life that gets filled up. We enjoy your company, we really do. Its just that we often misinterpret everything you guys say or do. We can't live with you, can't live without you. Simple yet so mysterious. The life and workings of the female will always be located in the mysterious beyond of the male's brain.

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Bible Progress - 1 Samuel 8

Young, Naive, and Stupid

Its times like these when you realize the heart-aching fact: time will never go backwards. I will never get any younger anymore but slowly countdown to my own demise (or pleasant death). Sad but true. They do say that wisdom comes with age. I guess its one of the perks of aging but I think I rather have my carefree, youthful days. When I look back to when I was a teenager, I was pretty young, naive, and stupid. Maybe its just me or maybe we all go through that "middle-high school" phase where we feel like either 1) we rule the world, 2) the world revolves around us, or the obnoxious 3) the world revolves around us because we rule the world. I look at high schoolers these days and I can sum them up in one world: immature. They are wet behind the ears when it comes to dating, schools, internships, life in general. They are in the phase where one gossip rules all or one failed exam means the world has ended. But thats also what I find so interesting about them. They're so naive about what they'll be like in the next 10 years, after undergrad, maybe some dozen internships, grad school maybe. Then again the life after undergrad is slowly creeping up on me as well.

I pray that I can keep faithful in the fact that God has a plan for me (cliche? yes). Slowly but surely my fellow 2011 classmates are getting their offers for jobs and grad schools. Me? I'm kind of stuck leaving it God's hands. If you read my last post about "let go, let God", you know my stance on leaving it completely to God. Its also a post of accountability so that me, myself will never fall into that category of people. Its March already and today I just turned one year older, still without a plan for life after undergrad. I refuse to just stay at home and not do anything. I'm not gonna get any younger and I want to hit the ground running. I just haven't found my ground to run in yet. Is God testing my faith? Yes. I try to be faithful but creeping from the dark side of my heart are the doubts that are slowly but surely eclipsing my faith. If wisdom comes with age, I hope faith does too. Older people probably see me as young, naive, and stupid as well. I mean I've only lived maybe a quarter of my life and I'm here pondering if the world will end if I don't snag a job by end of May. I'm proud to say that I am wet behind the ears once again after I graduate. I'm in that phase of my life where I feel like the world could be in my grasp again. I just realized how naive I am thinking the world can be mine. But I'm not that stupid to crumble down and cry when my world falls over.

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Bible Progress - Ruth 4

Let Go, Let God

"Let go. Let God"

To me this is the most ironic statement ever. Its one of my favorite quotes that help me through difficult times in my life but at the same time its one of my most despised quotes of all time. 

There are certain types of people that tend to provoke my patience. Fobs being #2 on my list. People who use God as an excuse top my list. I have to pray really hard and put maximum pressure to cap my anger in order to suppress it whenever people, in my opinion, completely twist this quote. 

They always tell me "Let go and let God". 

Yes, I will let go and let God but only if I myself have put in the amount of effort necessary. I'm not gonna sit idly by and wait for God to make something happen. I'm not gonna sit idly on my ass doing nothing and hope that all will be well. If I could swear I would have filled this entry with some vulgar language because even writing about this topic gets my gears crunching. 

I absolutely admire those who work wholeheartedly and after they exhausted all options and energy, they wait on God to fill in the pieces. They "let go and let God". Mad respect.

I absolutely have no tolerance for those who procrastinate, become lazy, lose their sense of responsibility, and have the nerve to say they "let go and let God" and use it as an excuse for their laziness and overall negligence to take responsibility for their lack of discipline. They literally "let go and let God". I just smh.

Since when did God become an excuse? Get off your lazy ass and put some sweat and blood into your life. Or kill that damn pride of yours and take responsibility for your own incompetence.

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Bible progress - Joshua 2

eARTh

So true. What would this world be like without art? Where would people get ideas for anything? How would people express their creativity? Being trained as an artist myself, this quote basically feeds my ego. Its basically saying the world without us artists is just mundane and boring. Somewhat true but not absolute. 

What defines "art"? My 8 years of formal, artistically trained eyes can't even distinguish what really makes art. Sometimes I can understand. It maybe the "wow" factor or the "stop and stare" factor. What makes people stroll across galleries and stop at certain pieces of work? I don't know, maybe its different tastes. On average no one can truly see the Mona Lisa because of the crowd is always present at the Louvre. There are those pieces of work that you can get you awestruck. However theres also the strange handful that gives you the "wth" thoughts. 

Salvador Dali, one of my favs.

James Jean <-------Love this contemporary guy as well. Amazing. Too good to just choose one.

In today's society, art is generally a form of either massive appreciation and criticism. "Who the heck would display such things" or "damn thats impressive". I guess society considers static, visual forms as art. What about the others? By others I mean the writers, the musicians, the everyday photo blogger, and maybe even you who read/write/browse tumblrs and blogs. Artists are so selfish. They want to keep that title to themselves. The static bunch who create static images unable to break the stasis quo. 

I don't usually see "artists" as ones who can create such beautiful images through words alone. I don't see "artists" as ones who can immerse the audience in a new level of soundscape through the blending and meshing of harmonies and melodies. I don't see "artists" as ones who dazzle consumers through their exquisite use of everyday foods and craft them into tasteful masterpieces.

Personally I believe the title of "artist" is incomplete without "the others". Its just ignorant on their part to exclude people who clearly have the same passions as them, making Earth a non-mundane world.

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Bible Progress - Numbers 26

Cults

Justin Bieber's movie which was released couple of days ago has a 1/10 rating across the board. Critics give it a 62% rating to please some of his mindless female fans but completely lol-ed at the fact that its also in 3D. I have nothing against the guy. I don't like him nor do I hate him. I just think hes starting to get in way over his head. Personally I think that Bieber is not at that stage in his career where a whole movie is dedicated to him. Fan service probably. He just started his career and who knows how long that'll last. Never Say Never has been compared to Michael Jackson's This Is It. That in itself completely outraged probably half the world minus the Bieber girls. The overall summary of that comparison goes something like this: "@$#%$ Bieber %#%$% Bieber @$#!% Bieber @$%# Bieber".

Justin Bieber should just go to Korea. By sheer fangirl power alone he would take over the country. Bieber fans are becoming kpop fangirls, God forbid. They would do anything, ANYTHING, to help their "idols". They create a borderline cult within themselves. It freaks me out to the max when I see some of the stuff fangirls/boys would do to "help" their idols. All I know is that Korean fangirls are mindless zombies, at least American fangirls still retain their human brain, for now anyways. I don't know where these girls get the mindset that sending a letter written in blood during their period is romantic. Why is it okay to spend every single penny of your college savings to buy a useless gift that the celebrity doesn't even care about? Why would you put your entire future in jeopardy dropping out of school "for your celebrity's sake"? No, that is not even classified as peaceful protest. You guys just retarded. Period. 

Guy fans are no different. The SNSD disease has contaminated Korean fanboys. Fanboys are more physically active when it comes to defending their idols' image. Dream Concert couple of years ago stirred up a huge controversy when fanboys were literally beating the crap out of fangirls for booing at SNSD's performance. They justified it as "defending their girlfriend's honor". Many were hospitalized yet none were justified. Police dismissed it as "crude behavior". My patience is severely tested when I read these types of (I dub them) cult stories. I especially get ticked when fangirls and boys spend all their parents' hard earned money into ridiculous junk for the celebrities. Makes me wanna just knock some sense into every single one of them, but that would put me down at their level so I just choose to lol behind my computer screen like a cyber bully. Me writing this entry pretty much puts me down at their level as well anyways. I can almost see Bieber fangirls becoming this. Hopefully American girls will have a little more common sense than these mindless, non-human korean fans. Its stuff like this that completely degrades a generation as a whole. Wake up Generation Y, its time to start living like human beings, not post-apocalyptic-brainless-inhumane beaches. 

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Bible Progress - Numbers 15

Eye Iza Kollage Stewdant

I think that is how I write my papers. Its been a year now since I've written a paper for a class. Back in the days of AP Lang and Lit, I used to be beastly in writing papers. Ironically I outscored my non-asian counterparts in both reading and writing on the SATs yet failed miserably on the math section. Those glorious days are gone now. I had to write a paper for my Asian American class. It was a measly 4-pages but it seemed like an eternity to me.

I remember days when I used to love writing, especially during the xanga era. Its kind of embarrassing when I read over my past entries. Such emo-ness. Whatever was on my mind I ranted and vented through xanga. It felt good at the time when you would see those eprops rack up. The joy of writing carried over to high school. I took AP Language as well as AP Literature. Both classes I did ok on the AP exam (not that it matters in college) but I can recall bs-ing everything with my lovely friend, sparknotes.

In college my writing skills took plummeted. I assumed that since the university makes everyone take WRT 105 and 205, my writing skills would improve. I did get good grades but I feel like my writing skill decreased. Maybe its not the skill but rather the desire to write. I hate writing such formal papers like my sociology paper. Its definitely not my style. It took me less than 6 minutes to write this much on my blog but it took me 1 hr to write this much on my sociology paper. Blogging has definitely kept me writing about whatever the heck I want. Sometimes I get this desire to write hence most of my blog entries are just random mumbojumbo. I like it. I am a pretty "go with the flow" guy myself and I guess it sort of carried over to everything I do, including writing...and my sociology paper. Fail -.-;;

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Bible Progress - Numbers 1

Apples to Apples

Transmedia is flooded with Apple. You can almost smell the fruitiness of it from a mile away. I dare you to bring the new Windows phone to Shaefer, you may not leave alive. VPA is so immersed in Appleness that a PC user is basically shunned from everything. Walking down the halls of shaefer, students are working on their Macbooks in all forms: pro, air, vintage, ibook, g4s. We text, schedule, and do assignments on our iPhones and for the handful that are better off, iPads. I can always spot a VPA major in an academic environment. We always tend to write "notes" on our laptops or our sketchbooks. Half of the time we draw our notes in our sketchbooks and for some odd reason, we have our own dress code. Our professors are decked out in the most prestigious apple gear. Shaefer, ComArt, Crouse, and the Warehouse are havens for mac users and hell for PC users. 

Want to print something? Gotta print it from a mac. 

Want to use internet? Safari and Chrome only. 

Everywhere you go you see the shining apple logo from everyone's macbooks and the familiar text tone of the iPhone. I admit, I have conformed to this apple nation. I can't help it. I wouldn't be able to do anything if I didn't have my Mac. In fact I've become so immersed in it that I have lost the ability to work a PC. I was trying to set up my personal preferences in the library PCs but I completely forgot how to change even my wallpaper. Apple has become my choice for tech. I cannot work with any other phone except my iPhone (and some of the Droids). Our professors absolutely despise and hate Windows with a burning passion. The first day of CAR 430 last semester was spent as a rant-fest of how we all hated Windows. The first hour of TRM 451 this semester was spent as a bash-fest on Blackberries. The nerd rage that goes on in class is my source of entertainment on Mondays and Tuesdays. Its interesting because ironically, those that hate Microsoft can't work without MS Office. Honestly I'm a 80% mac person. The other 20% goes out to Windows for gaming and MS Office. 

I'm an apple convert and probably will stay that way for the rest of my life. I think all my fellow readers who are designers, producers, writers, artists, or just creatives in general can agree with me when I say Apple is definitely catered towards the creatives. Rarely do you see apple products in Whitman or Life Sciences. Overall it just comes down to personal preference unless you reside in one of the VPA buildings. Than you're forced to join the apple fanatics cult.

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Bible Progress - Leviticus Ch.2

God grant me serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.

Amen.

My life motto. Living one day at a time and enjoying one moment at a time at the Grove. Could not ask for a better last retreat. Bittersweet with a hint of saltiness.

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Bible Progress - Exodus Ch.21

We Weren't Born to Follow

I refuse to conform to society.
So why should I conform to the nonconformists?

I refuse to be ignored.
It doesn't mean I'll be arrogant.

I refuse to be silent.
It doesn't mean I'll shout out hypocrisy.

I refuse to be prideful.
So I just won't let up any room for self absorbing thought.

I refuse to be violent.
Doesn't mean I won't fight back.

I refuse to be pushed aside.
So I'll march against the main problem.

I refuse to be melting away in a melting pot.
So I'll be the one stirring the pot.

I refuse to be utterly destroyed.
So I'll stand up in the path of a devastating tank.

I refuse to be the book everyone reads.
I'll be the author of thousands.

I refuse to be a chicken, spending everyday of my life looking at the ground.
So I'll be the eagle, spending everyday of my life soaring above the clouds.

I refuse to change the world.
I want to be the catalyst for thousands to change the world.

I refuse to be drowned in my own evil.
So I'll build an ark.

I refuse to have my beliefs trampled.

I refuse to have my morals spat on.

I refuse to let my inner devil take control.

I refuse to let my inner saint be overpowered.

I refuse to follow the world.

Because we weren't born to follow.

I refuse to walk away when He calls.

This I will not refuse.

-Etrnl Creativity 2011

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Bible Progress - Genesis Ch.37

2011 and 1754 Pages to Go

Happy new years everyone!
Happy birthday Etrnl Creativity, you are now 3 years old.

...and with that we welcome a new year, new challenges, new blessings untold, and new memories.

I'm always fascinated around this time of the year when people always says "I know 20xx will be a good one", despite the fact that next year they're going to say "2011 was such a bad year, 2012 will be a good one". These people I've never understood but I guess its nice to hope for the best for a refreshing new year.

2011 is going to be the biggest year of my life thus far. In 1st grade when we had to take our state exams, we bubbled in our expected year of college graduation. In 1995, 2011 seemed like an eternity away. Senior year of high school we filled out our college apps and checked "class of 2011". Even then did 2011 seem like an eternity away. 4 years of high school felt like forever but 4 years of college just went poof. This is the year where many things will happen in my life, milestones will be accomplished, and the true beginning of the "real world". Theres many things that I want to do this year but it narrows down to one thing that I've finally mustered up enough willpower and faith to do; read the whole bible, cover to cover. Today I have read Genesis 1-3. Its something I've been wanting to do since forever but could never find the will to do. Maybe 2011 will finally be "the" year. I'll be reading on a 3 chapter a day schedule and if I follow it, I should be finished with the whole bible by December 27th, 2011. Once school picks up and job rush hits its gonna get tough. Hopefully I'm committed enough this time around. Personally it'll be a nice little test of faith and commitment.

From here on out I'll be posting my current place in the bible after every entry. My goal is to write "Revelation 22" at the end of my last entry for the year. 2011 has risen over the horizon and we've got 365 days to welcome new adventures and endure new hardships. 

I'm not a big fan of ddukgook but tradition calls and now I've gotta go get some. 

Have a blessed new year everyone!

Bible Progress - Genesis Ch.3