Writing, Composing, and a Selfish Ambition

At this point in time, at this hour, at this minute (actually its been about 5 minutes but whatever), I finally finished my thesis paper. And yes, it does feel good to hold the 15 pages of semi-hardwork in my hands.

I just finished proofreading it and realized how much my writing style has changed. No matter what I write, I tend to have an informal tone, with everything. It can be something absolutely serious but I'd still condone  the actual serious part. Being a thesis paper one would assume it's all professionally written with many critics and reviews but its completely the opposite of that. My thesis paper sounds like a huge, elongated blog entry with a couple of "big words". Just FYI my thesis research was about music and emotion and how film scores (mostly Disney) evoke certain emotions. Are we trained at birth to react in certain ways when we hear specific musical cues? I'll save you 15 pages of trouble so the bottom line of my paper is, yes, music does have an impact on your emotions. Now it just feels weird that I dumbed down my whole research into one, non-scholarly sentence. If only the world was as simple as that. It always has to be yes or no...and why (that despicable word...)

Alongside my thesis research, all VPA majors have a "thesis project" they must finish in order to be degree-a-fied. Its personal choice whether you do two, semester long projects, or one, big year long project. You know me, I'd take the shorter version. So yes I chose to do two, semester long projects. This semester I am composing my own score for Fantasia 2000. Obviously not the whole film but two suites: The Pines of Rome and Firebird. Both are about 10 minutes in length and I realized what I got myself into in the beginning of the semester when I had musical block for quite a bit. Took me a while but inspiration came from the randomest (not a word but I don't care...I think I OD on this word) sources as usual. Long story short, I am 90% done with my scores and I am somewhat proud yet disappointed in my compositions. One, I'm proud of the fact that I can actually compose, what I think is 20 minutes of decently sounding music and two, I just don't like the digitalized sound that my piece embodies. I am not able to record a live symphonic orchestra to get the natural, epicness, nor do I have the means of purchasing (or pirating) software and equipment that I probably have to pay a arm and leg for. Something I'd probably struggle with forever.

Strangely enough, I actually had thoughts of pursuing creative writing (in a more sophisticated sense because no one would take my limited, 2 syllables max, vocabulary). Its something with the arts, all the arts, that entices me. Those who say writing and composing music is not an art form need to get themselves checked for a missing right hemisphere. Am I doomed to be a creative junkie for life? I don't mind. The only problem is that creativity can't pay for rent...yet.

Dear God, 

Grant me the wisdom to take away my selfish ambitions and refill it with the ambition for your kingdom.

===========================================

Bible Progress - 2 Kings Ch. 6 (back on track!)