I sit here at 7:40pm feeling pretty defeated after a days attempt to find some jobs. I had to relocate myself to Barnes and Nobles at one point because my internet seems to have forgotten that its supposed to be "ultra high speed" as comcast puts it but my family probably just got sold into their twisted advertising. Not gonna lie but I do feel pretty inadequate right now. The days after I've come home have just been wasting by. Summers have always been nonproductive for me but it was ok because I would return to cuse in the fall and change all that. Now I'm at a road block in my life with no "cuse" to set me back on track again. I have so much that I want to do and so many places I want to work at and maybe start a career in but all of them are not hiring. God is pretty much teasing me because Discovery Communications is right next to me but in a non-hiring status (insert big sigh here). But they are hiring the business and IT people. Go back to school and get an MBA or IT degree? Its times like these I second guess myself if obtaining a Bachelor of Fine Arts was really worth it. I knew the field would be narrow but I was too naive to see how minuscule it really is. Now I'm actually regretting turning down some potential offers. But thats spilt milk. The rare times that jobs do show up, they're either unpaid or need extreme amounts of experience/skills. Time is winding down til my grace period ends on my loans. Starting next year I've got to start paying them back and I'm definitely not looking forward to half my paycheck (if I get a job) going to pay off my loans.
At the same time I feel pretty blessed. Its ironic that being a stay-at-home-recent-college-graduate-status is fulfilling but it is in a way. I have all the time in the world, literally. I'm definitely not using this time wisely. I want to continue to produce some instrumentals of popular christian songs. I've been planning to do it for a while but I've been lacking motivating and inspiration lately. Its coming, slow but steadily. The big wave of motivation has not hit me yet. So dear readers, check my facebook page or my youtube channel (which I'm planning on making a new one for my future projects so stay tuned!) for new songs or videos. God gave me a talent and I definitely feel guilty just sitting on my ass. Might as well do something with it right? Just need that motivation then I'll probably be good to go.
I think what I need to obtain at this point in my life is the wisdom to know that money doesn't make my life. Living in the real world has truly opened my eyes to how much money commands our daily lives. God promised he'd provide for me no matter what and yes he has. Granted I may never get my Nissan GT-R, ever, but that is the definition of greed and luxury in my life. I can feel myself getting more desperate to find a decent paying job out of my own greed. Its tough to suppress. Its poisonous like pride. Time to find an antidode for all these venomous intents before I'm consumed. I guess I'll use this post as self-accountability. Soon I'll find the motivation to make productive use of my time. Better now than later because poison becomes more potent the longer it inhabits. Ironically though the cure to poison is poison itself. Many venomous snakebites are cured by creating an antivenom that is made from the poison of the snake. The first step to solving a problem? Identify it. Its time to use the poison in my greedy heart to cure myself.
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Bible Progress - Nehemiah 9
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