Three Long But Short Years

My 3 year anniversary just passed this past weekend and it doesn't seem that crazy until I think about it in perspective. My whole college career, the primetime of my life, the best and worst experiences have all been shared with one person. Freshman year was just all giddy and then for some odd (and still unresolved reason), I decided it was time to start dating again. Just what the heck, right out of the blue. I guess you can say I finally gotten over my past two (horribly ended) relationships but I don't think that was all.

I specifically remember when and where and what I was doing that moment I asked her out. I was sitting in Human Sex class at 8:30pm and I think we were learning about the different types of love from the physical to the emotional to the unconditional God's love, agape. Something triggered the spark and basically told me, "Hey, you like this girl. Accept it". I know I was fighting an internal struggle because I guess I had a couple of people that I liked at the time but one was always overshadowed until she just decided to, BAM, make her self known. The funny thing is when I really wanted a girlfriend for the past like, 4 years in high school, I never got one. Never got even close to getting one. It was the beginning of sophomore year in Cuse that I finally let go of that "desire" to have a girlfriend and it just so happened I ended up getting one. Lesson learned God.

I'll be quite frank, I don't think I was attracted to her consciously at first but deep down, I was. I mean who would wanna date a physically abusive girlfriend? Wasn't happening until God proved me wrong. Out of the other (unnamed females) that I sort of had a crush on, in the end I ended up with the one I never imagined to. Sure it was crazy at first because everyone teased us about it. We were that awkward, "how'd you two happen", couple. Crazy at first, but life-changing later. After the initial honeymoon phase, when we were not the new couple in town, things began to get real. I never knew how long this would last nor do I know how long it will, but I know for sure I don't regret any minute of it.

For the past 3 years we've had our ups and downs like any healthy couple. We've had our handful of fights where I'd be yelling, she'd be yelling, I'd be ignorant, she'd be bawling, good times? But yeah, most of the time I was probably ignorant. I'll be honest, I'm terrible boyfriend material. I rarely compliment her, I rarely ever show any enthusiasm with her, I've got her enough gifts to count in one hand, I make fun of her all the time, I don't celebrate any of the couple-y holidays with her, and I call her chubs. Yet for some crazy reason she stayed and I guess I'm grateful, no, I am grateful. The past 3 years she showed me that not all girls are the same (as my previous 2 relationships). Maybe once in the 3 years I had to "be" there for her, even though I still made fun of her. Bottom line is shes been there more for me than vice versa. So I'm basically the needy one. The irony. She showed me that she is capable of not letting the little things bother her, nor to care for what the status quo is. I don't think I've ever met such a strong girl and I'd bet that she'd take down goliath, metaphorically and physically speaking. She's been able to develop a strong sense of composure even in the most stressful times. She's like the elephant in the room that's labeled "Blessing" yet I over look it almost everyday. She taught me how to actually care for someone and not just say it. Granted she's not perfect and she doesn't fill most of the criteria of my potential girlfriend list that I made back in 2003, but she fulfills. And I just spent the past 15 minutes writing this and it contains more compliments than I've given her in the past 3 years combined. Sad truth.

Out of all the girls in the world I got stuck with this chubber face.

In the end all I want to say is, thanks chubs.

Sincerely,
Horrible Boyfriend

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Bible Progress - Jeremiah 50

No Matter What, In Any Circumstance

Blessed be your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Through I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

Blessed be your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be your name

Blessed be your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be your name


Every blessing you pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be your glorious name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be your name
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Bible Progress - Jeremiah 17, movin' right along

The Aftermath of The Aftermath

August 20th, Merriweather Pavilion in Columbia, MD

Indescribably awesome. I remember when Hillsong came to MD 2 years ago, I didn't lose my voice then. This time around I did but its back to normal now. I can honestly say that this past weekend was the best I've had all summer long. Met some really great new people, caught up with old friends, and went to a Hillsong concert. I definitely needed it. Amidst all the same old same old, it was nice and refreshing to have a splash of color thrown at you.

Theres something amazing about praising God with hundreds and thousands of your fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. In that moment it was like we were all one. I guess thats what heaven will be like, continuously praising God alongside thousands of others. People from all races, backgrounds, places, all praising together in one voice is an outer worldly experience. Pretty much reaffirmed how much I love praising. I wouldn't mind praising for eternity. Its definitely the rejuvenating factor I needed. I look forward to the day I'll be able to praise forever for eternity alongside my brothers and sisters.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."
John 16:33

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Bible Progress - Isaiah 48

Why Can't I Be In Their Shoes Again? Pt.2

So if you've been reading my previous posts for about two months now, you know that I've been pretty much reminiscing all summer long. A few people know what my old xanga page is and I've read through it recently only to cringe and wonder, "damn...was I really that emo?". But I did pull out a quote that I made up that particularly caught my attention again:

Memories are like the seasons. Spring a time of growth, summer a time of enjoyment, autumn a time of gathering, and winter a time of remembrance. Memories will grow with more enjoyment as we work to gather these into remembrance.

Why did this quote stick out to me? Probably because I spent a good amount of time after dinner just sitting outside in my balcony enjoying the (now cooled) summer night breeze. They say that memories are triggered not by sight, but smell. Interesting little fact because I feel like thats exactly what happened 30 minutes ago in the balcony. I mostly recalled my multiple summer retreats that I went to in youth group. If you've been to a youth summer retreat I think you can picture this scene exactly. Something about the breeze and the atmosphere outside brought back the memory of those times after a major activity in the afternoon was done and everyone went back to shower, change, and get ready for dinner. We'd all come out with fresh clothes, wet hair, girls smelling like shampoo, guys smelling the same, and we'd eat dinner and get ready for night service. Plus it was usually around this time we'd leave for summer retreat. Our retreats were always 5 days and 4 nights so I'm pretty used to begin secluded and away from modern civilization. All 40-50 of us just secluded in the middle of nowhere having fun, making fun of each other, flirting, playing late night games, living and praising God together. Not gonna lie though, I felt pretty old sitting out there alone in the balcony reminiscing about the old days. I know people say that a lot but I literally felt damn old for some odd reason. Maybe because I've hit that stage where there are no more summer retreats to look forward to. Even if I do get a chance, I'd probably be a counselor/teacher type rather than a carefree, young son-of-a-gun. Nostalgia at its finest. That was probably a good 8 years ago starting from 8th grade.

Something about the days where all you had to worry about were the first day of high school, or the SATs, or that one cute girl in youth group, the innocence of it all, I miss dearly. After our youth pastor left for Korea, we all went our separate ways. We barely even kept in contact with each other. I want to relive those days because they were genuinely fun. Of course we had our share of complaining for the usual camp rules of no cell phones, curfew, minimal guy/girl physical contact, but of course breaking those rules were all part of the happy memories. I can say without a doubt that all my summer retreats in youth group, even though some really pushed our limits, were the best memories of my high school days. I'd relive it over again if given the opportunity. I've been blessed with wonderful experiences. Memories are really God-given gifts. I'm looking forward to the day where I can sit in front of my next-gen macbook pro couple years from now and remember this exact time. "Remember that time you reminisced about reminiscing? Good times huh?"

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Bible Progress - Isaiah 2, Song of Songs was a pretty, interesting to say the least book to read through

The Journey

Sometimes they say the journey is more rewarding than the destination. Some people may disagree and say the destination is the reward but to me, its the journey.

I love to drive. I can't put it another way, I just do. I've been a car enthusiast since middle school. I'm one of those car-geeks that can name the year, make, and model of 99% of the cars that goes by. You can call it a side hobby I have. I've always dreamed of having my own car and now that I do its like living that dream. I love driving and the sheer comfort, relaxation, and fun that comes along with it. I've had my car for about 5 years now and I must say, even though we had our ups and downs, its still my reliable little baby.

When I drive I have peace of mind, no matter how bothersome the traffic becomes. Granted somedays I just wanna get home and out of the jams on the beltway. Often times you have passengers in the car as well and it becomes a mini road trip. I love road trips. Period. I love it more than the destination. I look forward to the drive because of the conversation we have or the sights we see or maybe even the spontaneous pit stops we make. I have my days where I drive like I'm part of fast and furious, weaving in and out of traffic at high speeds but then there are those days where I'm a senior citizen, just cruisin' along. How this whole car relationship started I don't know but all I know is that behind the wheel is one of my favorite places to be. I loved the trip up to Syracuse for Lodi. Many bonds formed or got stronger and overall it was fun. I love making the trip down to chubs' house or our newest neighbor Mr. Wayne Chen's new apartment. Sometimes I even make spontaneous trips to nowhere just for the pleasure of driving. I guess some people might call me crazy and say how driving can be relaxing but I know for a fact that I'm not alone in this category. Like-minded others know the feeling I'm talking about when you just drive for the heck of it. I plan on driving cross country and back and day just to say I did. So help me gas prices and go down just a little bit more. But no amount of gas is gonna stop me from the roads.

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Bible Progress - Psalms 143, officially passed the half way mark of the bible at Psalms 119

Why Can't I Be In Their Shoes Again?

The real world. Its what most college kids look forward to (or dread). For me, its indifferent. I definitely miss the thought of going back to school in August, meeting up with friends again, going back to studies for another year. I definitely, undoubtedly miss that feeling. It sucks right now because I have nothing to look forward to for a while. Even though we complain about the school work and stress that comes with being a college student but deep down I think we really enjoy our time in college.

So far this isn't the most glamourous "real world experience" that many of us looked forward to. I don't have my dream job nor my home church. Its been a couple months of repetitive, need something to do in my life type summer. After a couple of months of bumming around, spamming job sites, and a little bit of Lodi, I realized how much I actually miss cuse and KCS. I know I say this a lot but for me its almost a disease thats affecting me negatively. Lodi week was the best week thus far of summer. I was able to relive the life of cuse for a little bit. I realized how much of a negative impact not serving in a church would have in my life. I thought, "I guess its time to take a break from serving" but no, its more like "my life force is slowly being drained, slowly, but surely". After 4 years I thought it'll be nice to take a step back, take a backseat, and rest up. Resting was never so stressful. I now know that I am the type of person that has to be constantly serving at a church no matter what. Its my life, my all, and if I don't, I slowly wither away. I had the chance to volunteer at a couple of vbs for a few days and watching the staff members and praise team working made me envy them so much. I never felt such envy in my life before. "Why can't I be in their shoes again"?

I'm hopeful that my time will come again where I can serve but I'm not gonna lie, I'm getting impatient. My true happiness comes from serving in a church setting and most of all, praise team. Over the summer I constantly catch myself feeling pretty dang jealous of other praise teams because I want to be with them again. 10 years of my life just doesn't settle for backseat. My dream life would be to forever serve in a praise team setting whether it be playing the bass, setting up praise equipment, working the mixer, or whatever else is needed. I'll probably never be content with a secular job, even if its in film. I just feel so inadequate right now sitting here. As a recent college graduate its my time to shine and get my life on the way. I know what I want to do and its nothing the world can offer me. Why can't I find "Need worship team member, immediate hire" on job sites? Well, I'll take this time to practice some more patience. Greater things have yet to come in my life.

"Only in Christ is there a perfect life and a perfect future". -One of the things I learned from Lodi

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Bible Progress - Psalms 115

Crossroads

The week that I've been looking forward to has already come to an end. This time I left Syracuse for good (for a while maybe) and it definitely was bittersweet. It was an odd feeling seeing KCS and then leaving it so quickly. Definitely felt like I had unfinished business there. All in all, another Vision Summer Camp has successfully come to a close. I know many were blessed. I am now sitting at the crossroads once again, back in the real world, decisions upon decisions. I think I'm actually pretty excited to work on the Lodi film. A little perk in life goes a long way. I just hope by this time next year I'll know where all this is taking me.

Go to church, Read the bible, Obey God's word, Witness to others, grow.

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Bible Progress - Psalms 60, had a delay in reading because of Lodi but gonna catch up tonight